capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
