last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
