My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
