but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
