Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
