Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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