My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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