Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
