Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
