Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
