There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
