i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
