I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
