So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
