New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
