WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
