Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
