Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
