when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
