Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
