I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm getting married
To pizza
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
