I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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