I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
