I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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