well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
