well I can't set my house on fire every night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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