Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
