Can i not drive my cunt home
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
