Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
