Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
