I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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