Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
