I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
