Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
