I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
