Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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