Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
