If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
