he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
