Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
