Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
