5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
