First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
