Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
