My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
