dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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