My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
