from now on my penis is your penis
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
