Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
