Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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