Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
