a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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